Chased Dreams Read online

  “What’s going on, bro? You sound chipper this morning. How ya feeling?” His voice crackled through the speaker.

  “Me and my girl are about to head up the mountain and do some camping this weekend. What about you?” I asked, knowing full well he’d want to go. Brett loved camping. He and I had gone out several times together during high school.

  “I don’t have anything planned. I was just calling you to see if you two would like to get together and do something.”

  “You know it. Why don’t you and Tana come with us?”

  “Thanks for the invite. Sounds like fun. Where are ya headed?”

  “Going somewhere by Silver Creek. Figured I’d take my Grandpa up on his standing offer to use his camp trailer and see if Greg would let us borrow his quads and the Ranger. I’m feeling the need to mix things up a bit. Get out of my own head, ya know?”

  “I do. Hang on a sec and let me ask Tana.”

  “Okay.” I parked next to the gas pump and waited, needing both my arms for the crutches.

  “She’s down for it too. Sign us up, buddy. We need a couple of hours to get ready. Will that be all right?”

  “Not a problem. Britt is still out buying food and I’m picking up a few supplies.”

  “Perfect. See you soon!”

  I hung up the phone feeling pretty excited to have Brett and Tana coming with us, hoping Brittney would feel the same. I probably should’ve run it by her first. Hurrying over to the gas pump, I started filling up my truck, my phone ringing, again, a few minutes later.

  “Hey, babe,” I answered.

  “Hey,” she replied, her voice sounding flat.

  “I’m guessing Tana called you?”

  “Yes. She wanted to know if I needed help getting food. Do you want to split things or should I just buy everything myself?”

  “Go ahead and get enough for everyone. We can treat this time. Thanks, baby. Can you call my mom and let her know we are coming too?” I knew for sure she was upset when she hung up without replying. Hopefully I hadn’t done anything to ruin the trip for her.

  Surprise greeted me when I arrived home about an hour later to find everyone already there and ready to go.

  “There you are!” Brett said joyfully, as I climbed out of the truck. “It’s about time you got here!”

  Smiling, I glanced around, confused. “How long have you all been waiting on me?”

  “Oh, about two whole minutes,” Tana replied with a laugh. “I haven’t seen Brett this excited in a while. He’s worse than a dang kid.”

  “Well, let’s get this show on the road then,” I replied, glancing at Britt who was smiling at all of us, albeit somewhat reluctantly. Going to her, I lowered my voice. “Sorry, babe. I didn’t stop to think you might want some alone time. I figured you were probably sick of all your alone time with me lately. I haven’t been the easiest person to live with.”

  Her shoulders relaxed. “It’s okay, Chase. I think having them there will help cheer us both up. I love my brother, plus Tana and I haven’t had time to hang out in ages. It’ll be good for all of us.”

  “Thanks for understanding.” Giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, I straightened and stared toward the garage. “Did you get my tackle box and fishing poles?”

  She shook her head. “I’ll go get them.”

  Grabbing her arm, I stopped her. “I’ll go get them.”

  She snorted. “You can’t carry them with your crutches.”

  “I don’t give a damn about these crutches. I leaned them against the truck and took a step toward her. I’m tired of those things. I can walk without them. I’ve already been doing it.”

  She placed her hands on her hips. “Chase Walker! I don’t want you messing up that leg any worse. You do what the doctor told you to do.”

  “I’ll be fine, I promise,” I replied with a smile. “Really. I’m tired of watching you do all the heavy lifting around here. I can see it’s starting to wear you out. Let me help you.”

  Searching my eyes for several moments, she finally released a defeated sigh and I knew I’d won. “Fine. Just be careful. And take your crutches camping in case you get too tired.”

  Making a disgruntled face, I growled at her softly.

  “Chase. Don’t argue with me. It’s this or you have to use them all the time.”

  “Fine, I’ll take them.” I tossed them into the back of the truck where Brett and Tana were already loading their things, since we were riding together. I went into the house and entered the garage through the kitchen, grabbing all my fishing gear before raising the garage door and heading out to the truck. “Do I need to go pack some clothes still?” I asked Britt, as I passed by her.

  “Not unless you don’t trust me,” she said with a smile. “I already grabbed a few things for you. I think I got everything you need. I packed all your toiletries and razor too.”

  “Toiletries? Razor?” I asked. “Why do I need that? We’re heading to the wilderness, woman. The place a man can be a man!”

  “If that man doesn’t look and smell good in the wilderness, he will be getting nothing from his wife,” Brittney replied with a wry smile.

  “Oh. Well, then by all means, bring all that crap. We can’t be missing out on any of that stuff.”

  Brett and Tana both joined her in laughing.

  “Looks like she’s got you all trained,” Brett said with a grin.

  “Hey, a man’s got to have his priorities.” I started to smile, but a sudden buzzing sound in my head made me feel dizzy. I leaned against the truck trying to steady myself, blinking several times.

  “Chase?” I heard Nikki’s voice call my name. “Chase, are you okay?” No, it wasn’t Nikki. It was Brittney talking to me. Giving my head a shake, I blinked again, and glanced around at my now silent companions who were all staring at me with concerned looks.

  “Sorry. I’m fine really.” Everything seemed completely normal, but that ache that always accompanied me missing Nikki was back in my chest. I understood that what I’d been through regarding her was very traumatic. I’d even read about people who suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was definitely showing some signs of that. For some reason, I just couldn’t seem to fully let her go.

  “What happened?” Brittney asked.

  “I think the equilibrium was off in my ears. They started ringing and it made me feel a little dizzy. That’s all. I’m fine now. I feel perfectly normal.”

  “Well, you haven’t been sleeping well lately, it seemed like. I wonder if that has something to do with it?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. I can tell you that the fresh air will probably do me good though, and help out with that; so let’s get going.”

  She still didn’t seem convinced. “Do you need me to drive?”

  I laughed. “Babe, I’m fine. I promise. There’s no way I’d get behind the wheel if I wasn’t sure.”

  She studied me for a minute longer and finally nodded. “Okay, if you’re sure. Tana, why don’t you sit in the backseat with me, and these two goons can visit together up front.”

  “Sounds good to me,” she said, climbing in. Brittney followed after her.

  “You know what this trip needs?” Brett asked as he jumped in.

  “Yes, I do,” I replied with a grin, easily reading his mind. Dragging out my phone, I plugged it into the sound system.

  “Oh, great. Here comes the country music,” Brittney complained from behind me.

  “You know you love it,” I replied as the twang hit the speakers and both Brett and I started singing.

  “Looks like we’re in for four hours of hell,” Tana joked loudly to Brittney over the music.

  Brittney simply nodded, but I winked at her through the rearview mirror and she smiled. Nothing could break my mood.

  I was going home.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Hey, beautiful ladies,” I said, opening the car door to greet both my mom and Grandma as they hurried down the sidewalk to greet me.
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  Mom threw her arms around me first. “It’s about time you came home to see me, young man. I’ve been missing you something fierce.”

  “I missed you too,” I replied, hugging her tightly. “Is Greg here?”

  “Not right now, but he will be. Why?”

  “I was going to ask to borrow the quads and Ranger.”

  “I’m sure he won’t have a problem with that,” she replied, stepping back so my Grandma could give me a hug, too.

  “I have to say, I thought you’d come home a lot more often because you missed my cooking so much.”

  “You know I always miss your cooking, Grandma. I crave it every day.”

  “Hey, now!” Brittney protested, poking me in the ribs. “My cooking isn’t that bad!”

  I laughed. “It’s not, really. You’d be proud of what she’s taught herself with all those cooking shows she watches these days.”

  “Good for you, Brittney,” Grandma said, moving to hug her too.

  “Where’s Grandpa?”

  “He had to go to the hospital for some tests. He said to tell you to have fun and help yourself to the trailer.”

  “Is everything okay?” I asked. The word “tests” always made me nervous these days.

  She waved her hand in the air. “Nothing to worry about. Just some routine stuff—don’t even worry your sweet head about it. Go on and get your trailer hooked up.”

  My mom followed me to where the camp trailer was parked on the far side of the barn while Brett jumped in the truck and drove it over.

  “I see you aren’t using your crutches. How’s your leg feeling?” she asked.

  “It feels okay, for the most part,” I answered honestly. “It still aches in the evenings and when I sleep sometimes, but it’s getting better. I miss being able to get out and exercise.”

  “I bet you do. You never were one to just sit around all day doing nothing.”

  “Yeah, watching soap operas has never really been my thing, ya know?”

  She laughed. “I’ve missed you so much. Will you be back in time to visit with us some on Sunday before you go home?”

  Waving Brett back as he reversed the truck, I guided him into place under the hitch. “Yep. We were all hoping to see our parents while we were here.”

  “Wonderful. I look forward to it. Maybe we could all have Sunday dinner together just like old times?”

  “That sounds perfect,” I responded, really meaning it. Being here was making me feel completely energized. Bending, I started hooking everything up.

  “Chase! Wait!” Grandma said, hurrying up to us. “I baked a bunch of cookies for you to take camping with you. I knew you’d like that.”

  Smiling widely, I took the offered heaping plate. “Grandma, you’re the best.” I bent to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Now these are all for me, right? I don’t have to share?”

  “Dream on, ya big lug,” Brittney said, coming up behind me and trying to grab the plate.

  “Don’t you even think about it, Britt. I’m tired of you always trying to steal my grandma’s cookies from me. They’re mine.” I held the plate over my head so she couldn’t reach it.

  “You gonna stand like that all weekend?” she asked, folding her arms.

  “Nope. Just until I finish eating the cookies.” I laughed when she glared at me. “Fine. I’ll share. You have been taking care of me a lot lately. I suppose that warrants a cookie.” Lowering the plate, I let her take one. “Just don’t let Brett and Tana have any. They’re pigs.”

  Winking, I passed the cookies around to everyone, letting them take one before taking one for myself. I moaned as I bit into the chocolate chip delight. Grandma’s cookies were like a little piece of heaven.

  “Love you, Chase,” Grandma said as I hugged her again.

  “Love you, too,” I replied. “Thanks for the cookies.”

  We loaded back into the truck and drove through the gates of the ranch and out onto the skinny, winding side road lined with trees. The road led past the creek to the spot where I used to take Nikki. We’d spent hours making out beneath those trees. Nikki would’ve loved a day like this, camping together, being with one another, dreaming of our futures.

  Why did everything always come back to her? Sometimes it felt as if she were everywhere, still very much a part of me and everything in my life. It was such a tender spot in my heart, the place I held her in, both painful and beautiful. It seemed like I was missing her more and more lately.

  As if she could sense my mood, Brittney leaned forward and brushed her hands over my shoulders, squeezing them gently. Forcing Nikki from my mind, I determined to make this a good, fun experience—if not for myself, then for Brittney.

  ***

  Pausing, I closed my eyes and inhaled the fresh air deeply into my lungs. It was almost as if someone sprayed my favorite outdoorsy scent room freshener in the air. There was nothing like the smell of the forest or the whispering sound of the soft breeze rustling through the needles on the pine trees.

  As the sun dipped lower, the temperature dropped drastically—it didn’t matter that it was summer. The nights were always cooler in the higher elevations.

  “This is going to be great,” I said with a smile, glancing at our small group.

  “Well, I, for one, can’t wait to sleep in my warm comfy bed in the trailer,” Brett replied with a chuckle.

  “Who said you were sleeping in there?” I retorted with a laugh, my smile growing wider as he stared at me with a slightly nervous expression, his eyes darting between Tana and me. “Calm down, dude. I’m kidding.” He visibly relaxed and Tana laughed.

  “Does anyone want to tell ghost stories around the campfire tonight?” she asked, holding a flashlight under her chin and clicking it on.

  Brett chuckled. “Babe, it’s not dark enough to even see that yet, but I’m all for getting you scared and worked up so you’ll keep hanging on to me.”

  I watched him attack her, her shrieks filling the air, before turning away to stare off into the surrounding forest. Ghost stories . . . Tana may not realize it, but these woods were already haunted; but there was only one ghost here, and that was Nikki’s.

  Visions of the two of us tangled in one another’s arms flitted through my head and memories overwhelmed me—the way her lips felt against mine, the way her skin had tasted as my tongue trailed across it, the sound of her sweet voice whispering around me.

  “Chase.”

  Closing my eyes, I gritted my teeth. I could still hear her as if she were here with me.

  “Chase, I miss you. I need you. Please.”

  Nothing could stop me from turning in the direction the sound was coming from and I hurried off through the trees chasing after the voice like a madman.

  “Chase, I love you.” Her voice was softer now and I paused, trying to listen over my own heavy breathing to determine the direction it was coming from. Adjusting my course, I continued.

  “Nikki! I’m here, Nikki! Where are you?” The only answer was the wind whispering through the pines; but I continued on anyway, desperate to find her, running until I came to the edge of the creek.

  “Nikki?” I called again, turning around in a circle as I surveyed the area, but there was nothing.

  What the hell was I doing? Sinking to sit by the water’s edge, I ran both of my hands into my hair, frustrated. Why was I still hearing her? Better yet, why was I chasing after her? Brittney was an amazing wife; but I still found myself longing heavily for Nikki. Was it possible for someone to be completely and totally in love with two people at the same time?

  Admit it, Walker, my inner voice said. You’re longing for your dead girlfriend.

  It was right. The proof was in my actions. I kept returning to the places that reminded me of her, as if it could somehow bring her back to me, as if the mere memories of our short time together, could somehow bring her to life again.

  No matter how much I denied it, the truth was constantly staring me in the face; but I kept refusin
g to acknowledge it because of the damage it would cause. No matter how much I tried to bury it or tell myself otherwise, it refused to be buried.

  I was still completely, irrevocably, in love with Nikki. I was constantly telling myself lies—that it was her friendship I missed most, but it wasn’t true. I missed everything about her—her kisses, the special glances she reserved just for me, the way she bit her bottom lip when she was trying to be seductive; but most of all, I missed the way she made me feel when I was around her. She made me feel like I was some sort of super hero, that whatever I wanted to do was possible. Even now, in my most desperate moments, she was the one who frequented my dreams, encouraging me to keep going.

  Hanging my head, I watched as my tears hit the ground in front of me. I was in mourning for a relationship I’d never be able to have, the relationship I really wanted.

  What kind of selfish husband was I? I really loved my wife, but I couldn’t stop thinking about someone else. My heart was still being shredded over what might have been. Why?

  I loved Brittney. I really did. She’d stood by my side through so much. I owed her my whole heart—every bit of it; but for some reason, I seemed unable to let Nikki and the past go. My head was a mess and I felt as though I was seeking the echoes of chased dreams.

  Wiping my eyes, I crawled to my feet, a new determination settling over me. I needed to do my best to live in the present, to love those who were in my life now. Crying over my old ghosts wasn’t going to get me anywhere.

  Slowly, I made my way back to the campsite, my heart heavy and overwhelmed with both grief and hesitation. How did one overcome wanting and wishing for something they could never have?

  Walking back into camp, I realized I must’ve been gone longer than I’d thought. Brett had started a fire and Britt was busy laying out hotdogs and all the makings for s’mores. A soft smile creased my face as I watched her moving around happily. She knew how much I liked her s’mores, and no one made them better than she did. We had so many happy little memories like this together. I needed to focus more on those and how she made me feel instead of allowing myself to constantly drift back to what could’ve been.