Chased Dreams Page 14

  “Well, I’ve certainly learned who my real friends are. It’s funny, but you’d think when someone was in trouble and having a hard time, that that’s when people would rally around them the most and support them.” She sighed, sadly, dejectedly. “That’s not how it is, at all. That’s when everyone abandons you instead.”

  I didn’t know what to say to her. What she was saying was the truth. I’d seen it happen; hell, it’d happened to me. Still, I wished I could tell her it would be easier, but I knew it would just be a lie.

  “Did you tell me about breaking up with Matt?”

  She nodded. “I’ve pretty much told you every single detail about my life since they brought you here.”

  “What do you mean, brought me here?”

  “After the accident, you were flown to the Neurological Center in the valley. You had a brain bleed and swelling. They had to drill into your skull to relieve the pressure.” She leaned over and brushed her thumb against a spot on my forehead. “Right here. You have a small scar there now.”

  Lifting my hand, I slid my fingers over hers; finding the small indention she spoke of, and she pulled her hand away from mine.

  “So, it was really bad, then?” I continued to touch the spot there.

  “It was really bad, Chase. None of us thought you were going to make it. I should leave all this stuff for the doctor or your family to tell you. It’s really personal. I don’t want to shock you.”

  I shook my head, dropping my hand away. “No, I want to know. I want you to tell me. I’m never going to get past all this if people keep secrets from me.”

  Pressing her lips together in a line, she studied me for a moment before she nodded. “You were on life support. After it was clear there wasn’t going to be any more improvement, your family made the decision to remove you from the machines.” Clenching her hands tightly in her lap, she stared at them. “I didn’t think Nikki was going to make it. She was hysterical, sobbing until the doctor on call prescribed something to help calm her down.” Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. I hated knowing I’d put her through all that. “But when they removed everything, you showed us all the kind of fighter you are—breathing on your own, your heart thumping strongly away. You weren’t leaving, stubborn as ever, not that any of us minded. A few days later, your mom and grandparents made arrangements to move you here to the assisted living center so you could be closer to all of us.”

  I shook my head. “I wish I could remember these things. What was happening in my mind was something completely different than all of this. I mean, bits and pieces of things you say seem familiar, as if they helped to shape what was going on in my head; but I’m still trying to make sense of how I could sink into something so far, that it seemed real.”

  “The mind is an amazing thing, isn’t it? We don’t even use all of it, according to scientists. I can believe in something like this happening.” She paused, glancing toward the door.

  “Do you need to leave?” I asked. I didn’t want her to, but I didn’t want her getting in trouble either.

  “No. I just want to ask you something, but I don’t want it to seem weird.”

  “You can ask me anything, Britt,” I said, falling into my natural term for her. “Any time.”

  “Well, when you first woke up, you said some strange things about us. I want to know what you meant.”

  Sighing heavily, I tried to figure out how to approach this discussion. I gave a half chuckle. “I’m a little afraid to answer. I don’t want you to think I’m a perv or something.”

  She smiled. “I won’t.”

  “Well, where I was, it was Nikki who died. I’m not going to lie—I wished with nearly every breath I took that I was dead with her. My grief was intense—it’s still intense, all those thoughts and memories—they were as real to me as this is, right here, right now.”

  “That must’ve been so terrible for you. I’m so sorry. I wish there was some way I could’ve helped you.”

  “That’s just it. You did.” My gaze locked with hers and I couldn’t break away. “You were there by my side—first as a friend, and then it developed into something more. Something good. And while I never stopped aching for Nikki, having you in my life healed a lot of that pain for me.” I paused, unsure of how much to tell her. “I don’t know if it’s because you were here, talking to me a lot about your life, but in my dream . . . I thought we were married, Brittney. I thought we were having a baby together. And I was—am—I don’t know, but I loved you. Incredibly. You were my world.”

  Brittney’s eyes were wide with shock. She was completely speechless.

  I continued. “I’m sure some of it was my doing. When I first moved here, I was really attracted to you; but you were with Matt, so I didn’t pursue anything.”

  Her mouth gaped open and she just stared at me, dumbfounded. “I never knew that, Chase. I—I really don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know that as thrilled as I am to wake up and find Nikki is alive, it’s been a hard thing for me, too. Getting her back made me lose everything I had with you. You and that baby were my family. You, Brittney, were the one who helped me through. Now I’ve lost that . . . and I don’t know how to get over it.”

  “Oh, Chase.” Leaning forward, she grasped my hand, squeezing tightly. “I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through, but you have to know—none of that was real. No matter how clear it seemed.”

  Her words slammed at me and I stared at where our hands were clasped together, noticing a small scar on the back of her hand. My Brittney’s hand bore no scar.

  “Where’d you get this?” I asked, rubbing my thumb over it She laughed and pulled away.

  “You’ll think I’m stupid.”

  “Uh, hello, coma guy who recreated his own alternate universe, here. I think it’s pretty safe to say there’s nothing you could say to top how stupid that sounds.”

  “Well, when you put it that way . . . .” She laughed. “I have told you all this before, you know. It’s not my fault you don’t remember.”

  “Be nice and get on with the story,” I teased, and she sighed.

  “After graduation, there was this party and one of the local dealerships decided to give away a car. They made us play this giant game of—,”

  “Paint twister,” I blurted out. “And then you took the car and t-boned another one on the way home.”

  Brittney sat there dazed looking and nodded. “I got a scar on my hand from some of the glass and had to get ten stitches.”

  “I remember it being on your forehead,” I replied, but she shook her head.

  “No injury for me there, but head and hand sound a lot alike. You do remember stuff I told you, don’t you?” She couldn’t stop staring at me like I was some sort of puzzle she couldn’t solve. “But why me and not Nikki?”

  I shrugged. “I heard her plenty of times, and thought of her a lot . . . but I also thought she was dead and I was going crazy. I think I tried to block her out in an effort to feel sane.”

  “Makes sense, I guess. Any other fun memories of “alternate’ me?” she asked.

  “Plenty,” I replied, unable to resist letting my gaze travel over her amazing figure. “And for some reason a lot of them revolved around water.”

  “Water?”

  “Yeah, you took me to a lake one time. Another time we went to Tempe Town Lake together. And we walked by a stream in the woods and once, we got caught in a terrible rainstorm. Oh, and there was the time we went fishing. Then there were all those nice showers we took together, too.” I arched my eyebrow at her.

  The heat flushed vividly across her face and she was very flustered. “I think I might have an answer for that, actually.”

  “Really? What?”

  “I, uh, well, I gave you most of your sponge baths.” She bit her lip and her face grew even pinker.

  “Nikki said my grandpa did those.”

  “He did! I mean I helped him—or
he helped me. He would help move you around while I washed; and then he would shave you.”

  Now I was the one who felt like blushing. “Just exactly where were you washing?”

  “Well, everywhere.”

  “Everywhere?” My gaze dropped straight to my crotch before lifting back up to meet hers.

  “Everywhere. It’s my job, Chase. I help do it for all the patients here.”

  “Hmmm. I think I can safely say that’s where all those “memories” came from.” I was mortified. “Now if I can just recover my dignity.”

  She laughed hard and stood up. “I need to get back to work.” Leaning over, she placed a sisterly type kiss on my forehead. Slipping my hand behind her neck, I pulled her lower, placing a kiss on her lips. She froze in surprise, but didn’t shove me away. But it didn’t matter, I found out what I needed to know. The girl I was kissing was not the girl who’d been in my head. The spark wasn’t there between us, at all.

  Slowly, I released her. “I’m sorry. I had to know.”

  She nodded, taking a step backward.

  “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

  “It was my pleasure. I love you.” She shuffled uncomfortably. “You know what I mean.”

  “I do, and I love you, too.”

  She walked over to her cart and started pushing it toward the door. “Goodbye, Chase. I’ll come see you later, okay?”

  “Sounds good.” I watched her turn and step out into the hall. “Goodbye, Britt,” I added softly, knowing for sure the life I’d experienced with her was truly over. My chest tightened and I closed my eyes as I tried to fight the tears. I was so tired of loss and losing people I loved.

  I just wanted everything to be normal again.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I jumped like I was having a heart attack when the phone beside my bed rang, not expecting it in the stillness. There was a television on the wall, but for some reason, I was content to just stay lost in my own thoughts for the time being.

  Grabbing the cord to the phone, I struggled to pull it closer, hating that such a simple task was so incredibly difficult. I finally managed to finagle the receiver into my reach and lifted it, slowly, to my ear. “Hello?” I gasped out, feeling as if I’d just run a marathon.

  There was a soft sigh on the other end. “Did I wake you?” Nikki asked and I couldn’t keep a wide smile from crossing my face.

  “Are you checking up on me?”

  “Yes. I am. I needed to make sure you’re still in the land of the living.”

  “I’m here. You aren’t going to get rid of me that easy,” I teased.

  “Chase, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I don’t want to get rid of you . . . ever.”

  It was amazing how easily the connection between us continued on, never missing a beat, as if we’d just left the Homecoming Dance together and not been through months of terrible drama. “I have to say, I like hearing you talk like that.”

  She laughed. “I like hearing you talk, period. It’s been horrible without you.”

  “Well, you’re stuck with me now, so what shall we do from here?” I wished she were in my arms. I wanted to kiss her like I used to. But first, I needed to get cleaned up and looking a bit more presentable.

  “That’s why I’m calling actually. I enrolled in some summer classes while you were . . . .”

  “Living in an alternate universe?” I supplied answer for her and she laughed.

  “I don’t want to bring up anything painful for you.”

  I sighed. “It is what it is, Nikki. You might as well just say it straight. It doesn’t bother me.”

  “Okay, then. While you were in your coma, I enrolled in some summer classes at Northern College. It was important to me to still be close to you, but my mom felt it would help keep me occupied.”

  “So you ditched me for school? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” I was totally joking, but at her sharp intake of breath, I realized I’d offended her.

  “I would never ditch you—even during the rest of our senior year. I quit cheer and brought my homework there so I could sit by you. I even turned on the sports channel so you could listen to the pro and college football games.”

  “You did?” Was that the reason I dreamed of playing football?

  “Yes. I was desperate. I tried everything to get you to wake up—I just needed you to wake up.”

  “I was kidding, by the way. I know you wouldn’t ditch me. So, tell me what you were trying to tell me.”

  “I was saying I’m enrolled in classes, but I’m headed to the school to see if I can drop them so I can spend more time with you.”

  “Don’t,” I replied quickly.

  “Why not?” She sounded worried.

  “You’ve put your life on hold for me long enough. I’m not going anywhere. Take your classes and then come see me when you’re finished.”

  “But I want to be with you.”

  I chuckled. “I want that too, but you need to stay in your classes. Please, for me?”

  “You did not just pull the ‘for me’ card.”

  I laughed. “I did. And it’s my first official request of you, so you can’t deny it.”

  “That’s so not fair.”

  “It is. We’re going to be spending tons of time together from now on. I don’t want you getting sick of me too fast.”

  “That will never happen.” I could hear some music playing in the background as she spoke.

  “Are you driving?” I asked, a bit of fear shooting through me.

  “Yes, why?” She sounded perplexed.

  “I don’t want you being distracted. Hang up and go to class, then come see me when you’re done. I’ll ask my mom to help me get a cell phone and then we can text if we want, but I don’t want you on the phone while you’re driving.”

  “Feeling paranoid?”

  “Very paranoid. I’ll talk to you later. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “I’ll be out of this class in three hours. I’ll see you then.”

  “Perfect. I love you, Nikki.”

  “I love you, too. See you soon. Bye.”

  My arm was shaking by the time she hung up and I dropped the receiver to the bed, unable to even hang it up. How was this possible? It was stupid that something that used to be so simple, I never even thought about it, was now so difficult to do.

  “Need a little help?”

  Smiling, I glanced at the door, staring at my mom as she entered. She came and lifted the phone and placed it back in the cradle.

  “Thanks,” I said with a sigh, leaning my head back against the pillow. “Apparently my status has changed from star quarterback to invalid.”

  “That’s not what I see,” my mom replied, brushing my hair back from my forehead and then bending to kiss me there.

  “Is that so? What do you see then?”

  “I see the strongest kid I’ve ever met. The young man, who could’ve given up, but didn’t; and kept fighting—even when the rest of us lost hope. And, I see the most beautiful sight of all, my child, alive.” Her eyes misted over.

  “Well, when you put it like that, I guess I am pretty awesome.”

  She laughed. “And not only are you alive, but you still have that beautiful sense of humor.” She sat in the chair beside my bed.

  I smiled. “You’ve called me beautiful twice now in the last minute. You better be careful. It might start going to my head.”

  “I think you’re deserving of a few accolades. You’ve worked hard to get where you are.”

  “Yeah, lying in bed for nine months. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.” Turning my hand over in invitation, she slipped hers in mine. “I thought you’d be working today.”

  Making a sound similar to a snort, she shook her head. “You just woke up after being in a coma for ages. There’s no way I’d be going into work today.”

  “I just went through all this with Nikki. She tried to drop her college classes so she could be here,
too. I know you all have lives. I want you to keep living them. There’ll be plenty of time for us to be together.”

  “We simply want to be here to support you.”

  “And you will. I know that, but I don’t want you all to feel I need to be babysat every single second. I can take being alone.”

  “Has the doctor been in to check on you today?” she asked, changing the subject.

  “Not yet.”

  “Well, I spoke to him a little more last night. I know he’s anxious to get you up and moving as much as possible. They’ve been doing therapy on you already, moving your legs and stuff, in an effort to keep you from getting blood clots.”

  “Blood clots?” That term caught my attention immediately.

  “Yes, there was a lot of concern, especially in the beginning, right after the accident. The doctor said they are common in injured patients. They checked for things like that in the CT scans they did.”

  That caught my attention, my memories flitting back to when I thought Nikki was getting a CT scan. Several things were adding up to run parallel to the events in my mind.

  “You’re going to have a lot of work ahead of you. Eating, building your strength, mental and physical therapy—it’s a lot to deal with.”

  “I’m up for it,” I replied. “I’ve come this far. No sense in stopping now.”

  “I’m glad you’re feeling upbeat about things.”

  “I am. The only thing holding me back now is feeling weak and tired. If it were up to me, I’d be running out of this place.”

  “Easy, Tiger. One day at a time. The doctor did say they were going to add a bar above your bed, both to help you with moving around and for building muscle.”

  “Sounds like a plan. So, can I ask a favor of you?”

  “Sure, what?”

  “Do you still have my cell phone? Or can we get another one? I want to be able to text with people while I’m in here. It’ll help pass the time.”

  “People? Or Nikki?” she asked, with a knowing smile.

  I chuckled. “Of course Nikki, and Brett, and may be even you once in a while.”

  She gave a short laugh. “At least you’re honest. Anything else you want?”